Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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