okay pat passed out under dana's car
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
