i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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