Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize