Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I will pee on everything he values.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
