dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
