the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize