Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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