is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
