Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
