remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
