the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
