I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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