It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They took my balls.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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