I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Randomize
