I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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