I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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