I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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