I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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