Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
