My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
