Just fell off a train. Bad.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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