One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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