I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
