He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
