So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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