I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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