I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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