I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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