I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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