It's Friday. Sex?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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