If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
