Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
