Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
