where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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