I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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