3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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