So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
