dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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