she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
