I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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