Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
