I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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