his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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