stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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