Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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