I wish I could teleport
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
