So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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