i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
