porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
