It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
