I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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