i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
