Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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