nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
