Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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