yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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