I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
