Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize