There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
