And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
