You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
