I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
