final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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