He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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