So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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