I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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