I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
