im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
