Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize