i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
