I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
