He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
