I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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