I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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