i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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