Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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