I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
