Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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