He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
