There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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