You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
